Pick a Day to Start Over

Have you seen the post of Facebook that goes something like “January was a test month, I really start my resolutions on February 1st? I laughed and thought how true!! We can make any day our first day to a new resolution.  We moved a lot when I was little, to help me cope with each new move, sometimes from state to state my mom offered this “You can reinvent yourself, whatever qualities you disliked about yourself you can change and be a new person. These people don’t know you, so throw your shoulders back and go.” Now what I got from that was “there is something wrong with me, and I need to change.” As much as I disliked moving all the time, I grew to like the change. I grew to accept that I could reinvent myself.  This did help me cope with some of life’s curve balls and show others how to cope too.

Change does not have to be scary. That is your fear over running in your mind.  That is your fear monkey jumping up and down on your shoulder screaming in your ear so you can’t see the wonderful in the future. That fear monkey talks in your ear and tells you something is wrong with you or this wouldn’t have happened to you. How many times have you asked, what did I do so bad to make this happen? I have been good, I don’t deserve this at all.  That is that fear monkey, that is all the doubts and limits surfacing that you internally think about yourself.  If you have ever wanted to know truly how you love or treat yourself with your self talk, go through a tough time and watch your words you think and speak about yourself.  My biggest life lesson was about four years ago.  There is nothing in the world like listening to someone speak outloud the words you would say to yourself.  My first marriage was not healthy, I was told daily what all I couldn’t do correctly, that I was worthless and when I was told I would stay home with our daughter because no one else could watch her, the view of me being a stay at home mom turned negatively.  When court hearings came around years later I listened to his attorney not only speak every word my ex use to say to me (I should have been use to hearing it, it was daily).  I’m talking words such as worthless, doesn’t do anything, spontaneous, out of control, low-life.  The list goes on and on, and I represented myself so I didn’t have a way to make it stop.  I literally sat there for every appearance and listened to some stranger who didn’t even know me speak words I had up to that point spoke to myself about myself.  Then after court one day, I thought to myself, why in the heck does their opinion of me matter? Why should I care about what they say? Why am I saying this to myself when I had been conditioned to think that way during a marriage that was now over? I let it sink in and I began to push the fear aside. I was finding out that I put more value in them than I did myself and no more! I made the decision, I changed my perspective that they didn’t know what the heck they were talking about.

I began to think I have always been persistent, determined and strong willed.  Those were the qualities I have always been described.  So my grandma said this to me when I needed it the most “go ahead, they can tell me I’m not good enough, they can tell me I can’t do it.  Because I will show them over and over again that I CAN and I WILL.”  I began to see that my ex hadn’t been around me in awhile, he truly had no idea the person I had changed into, because when you are given life challenges you change as a person. I feel when they talk bad about me that was really a self portrait of themselves they were talking about.  Because I don’t know how a stay at a home mom with multiple kids just sits on the couch all day and night, doing nothing.  To tell our daughter because I am a stay at home that I am worthless did hurt but didn’t really surprise me that they would say that.  I have put more value into what I say and think about myself then what they think or say.  If you can move to this point in your mind then what anyone says will not bring you back down. You have done some amazing growth inside of yourself and fear should be lessening now.  Fear of moving on, fear of change, fear of not trusting yourself is how you fall into the trap of allowing others words matter more than your own.  Your thoughts and beliefs should be stronger than all others, you should believe in yourself more and not depend on others beliefs about you or any situation.

Really dive into those negative words you say to yourself. Really dive into it and examine why you let others opinions be more trustworthy, more valuable than your own.  Trust starts with yourself first in order to move mountains.  Trusting yourself to make the best decisions for yourself begins inside of you first.  Giving that over to someone else is when we lose our footing, we lose the sense we can do new things, and we lose to fear.  We begin to cave when new things are introduced into our world, the expected and the unexpected.  To not cave begin to trust in yourself again, take back your power and no matter what go for your dreams! Don’t let others squash those dreams and you just live life day to day. Not challenging yourself to grow, or have new in life.  You can not change your past, you can only grow from it, learn and make life better now.

~much love to you all

 

Shedding Your Skin

Today I shed my skin, I live my life the way I want no longer by what I think others want me to! My pre-sent is all my thoughts in my past letting me know its time to embrace and live! Just breathe through the unknown and go for it! That was a post of mine 6 years ago on a blog I once had. It’s interesting and fun to see where I was six years ago and I can actually track my progress from that moment. I literally took those words to heart and I changed. I no longer put up with what was going on around me, I no longer settled for less than what my heart knew I deserved. Looking back doors did open up, new doors, it was scary, fun and sad all at the same time. I came up with an acronym back then and began to live by it. I AM….. I do believe what you put after those two words is very powerful but I broke those words down into a formula for a life change. It looks like this I+A=M each letter stands for a word to help change your life. I is your intuition + A is for action = M is manifestation.

Now I am writing a book about this little simple formula I can share that every thing up to this point in our lives is truly about our past. We act on autopilot so much, our thoughts, habits, behaviors and reactions. Have you ever wondered why we get angry? 9 times out of 10 is due to fear.  Even the small things, such as once my son was climbing or scaling our staircase. On the outside of it, if he fell he could have gotten hurt. I got angry and snatched him off the stairs and said don’t you know you can get hurt? He was two at the time, he was a full on boy and loved to climb everything. Was he hurt? Was he truly old enough to have the thought process of if I do this then this could happen? No he was two, he told me when I asked him what he was thinking he stated “It looked like fun.” As simple as that, I told him I got angry because I was afraid he would have fallen and gotten hurt. I hugged him so tight and gave him kisses, relieved he was safe.  I began to look at anger in a new way. How many times when we do get angry it is mostly out of fear. Fear of unknown, fear of pain, fear of losing something, just flat out fear.

To start out this post about shedding my outer skin and living in a new one, this is a huge fear trigger. Do not let your old thoughts and beliefs block you from a new experience, a new you. Sure you can get your haircut, you can workout, but what needs to truly be changed is on the inside for the outside changes to really stick and work in your favor.  Maybe you are in a place that you need change right now, like yesterday, but when you wake up in the morning that weight on your back is still just to heavy. I would first tell you to release that weight, give it up to the universe, or God or whomever you believe in.  Why think about that weight all day and night? Why worry about that circumstance? Is it happening right now in front of your face? Are you having that talk, that confrontation right this second? IF not then why are you going over the scenario in your head time and time again? It’s like we go along our day, tooting along, and then we think “oh let’s bring up in our head, let’s already live through that confrontation in my head’ because I haven’t thought about It in awhile. For example say you are having an issue with your teen, spouse or boss. You think you will have to have a talk, a fight, a debate, you dread it all day long, maybe even for a couple of days. You live this scenario out in your head over and over, you are fighting and discussing an event that hasn’t even taken place yet!! How silly is that! You could instead be filling your head with other things that are positive, that is achieving your goals, or brainstorming on new ideas. If the future hasn’t happened yet, then why are you predicting it? Begin to see well yes what I think can happen could, but something so much better could happen too. Give the situation a chance, give yourself a chance.

~much love to you all

 

Hunting or Farming? Which One Are You?

On a previous post I asked the question are you a hunter or a farmer? A hunter is one who goes after the goal and nails it or kills it. That goal is the only thing on the radar and you work for it everyday. You wake up thinking about the goal, you focus on it all day long and you know it will happen. Now a farmer takes his time to get to the goal. They plant the seeds, they water the idea, they cultivate the relationships that will bring them closer to that goal. Which one are you?

Heck I encourage you to be both. I mean why not? We all start out as a farmer, we all have ideas, we plant them in our big wish gardens and sometimes we wait to see which one will take off first and then we are a hunter on achieving the goal. If you are not a hunter it is a skill set you can acquire and use. It is not some magical fairy dust sprinkled over the successful people.  Goals were made to be set high and crushed often. I love the idea of being a farmer and cultivating the friendships and relationships with people. But I think the advantages of being a hunter and going after the goal is a more sure way of reaching your goals. A farmer reminds me of so many of my clients and I have done this too. You put a goal out there, you might write it down, you might think about it, talk it over with yourself of those closest to you. That is the planting part and watering your idea in your garden. Then sit on it, waiting for it to come to you, waiting for it to manifest with doing very little work. Why should you do work? I mean the Law of Attraction states ask, believe and receive it right? It should be that easy, I mean why can’t it just fall into our laps? Or, would you rather take your own life, the one you were handed and make things happen? You have that power to make it happen, you have the power to speed it up and maybe have better things fall into your lap.

I can understand not being a “social” person, not liking to get up and talk to people, but that is a fear of rejection. If you are wanting a successful business than how can you NOT talk to people? One of my clients said that to me once, she just couldn’t see herself talking to new people. When you ask me for help, when you want me to coach you, I do make you step way outside your comfort zone. But guess what, you will get so much more out of your life. You will have the skill set of a farmer and a hunter.

How do you go about becoming a hunter? What is it you want? What is it that you really want to achieve. It is immediate results? Is it a month from now, or a project that might take six months to a year? Do you want better health? We can tackle this as an example. What is the first thing most people do? They hop on a scale, right? Heck that right there can either deflate you or it can make you stuck or it will light a fire under your butt. Only three choices on this example most people do, so you don’t like the number that appears. So what, what goal do you have now? Do you want to lose weight? Do you want to feel better, have more energy? Do you want to look healthier? Because caking on makeup and coloring your hair is only temporary fixes to the problem. First I have you make a list, on one side of paper you list all the reasons why you want to be healthier. Keep in mind this isn’t just a quick exercise, I ask tough questions, such as what are you really holding onto? Being unhealthy is a symptom of some emotional block you either don’t want to deal with or you have stuffed so far back in your mind you can’t remember it. Eat to feel better, like emotional eating or don’t eat? On other side you list all the steps you can take, you google steps to get new ones, you join facebook groups, you pintrest, you do research to get out of your own limiting thoughts and break open. Next we pick three, when I did this I picked downsizing my large to a small soda or mocha, cut out fast food and I began to stretch everyday. That is for the first week, you do take baby steps because in the beginning you have to prove to yourself you can do this. This is building you up to be a hunter, to have that mentality that what ever you put your mind to you can achieve it! You can do it. You can put this formula in for more income coming in, more views on your blog posts, more copies of your book being sold, more positive people coming into your life, your job or a project. Each week you up your game and plan of attack to get your goal. Isn’t this better than just sitting around waiting for that goal to manifest?

~much love to you all

Rebounding From Rock Bottom

Sometimes the bad things in life put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us. I can not say it enough, no matter how negative or bad a situation is there is the complete opposite waiting to happen for you. I love the analogy of how deep down you go is how far up you will rebound. Heck I have a lot of rebounding to do and hovering way up at the top for awhile! :)

Yesterday we talked about hitting rock bottom and how it is actually a good thing in our lives. It is like an awakening for our mind, new fresh ideas, and maybe even a determination for a new direction.

I was asked to elaborate a little on what I was talking about yesterday with change in focus. First lets talk about focus, have you ever met a kid that is so focused on what they want? Our youngest will literally ask for a cookie over and over and over and over until you get her one. There is no changing the subject, there is no saying I am on my way to the kitchen to get one for you, it is “can I have a cookie now?” One track mind, one focus and determined she will be tasting that cookie ten seconds ago. Have you ever experienced this? Can get on your nerves especially if it can I get a toy? And you are not anywhere near the toy store. Over and over and over again the same words, the same sentence until you either give in, say no it’s not happening or it gets on your nerves.

Ok, now keep this example in your mind for a minute. As adults we tend to downplay our actions and think we do not act like this at all. When we are driven to make our sales goal, our savings goal, or any of our positive goals that contribute to not only you but others as well we tend to get encouragement correct? IF you are part of a sales team and as a whole group you have a goal everyone is talking about it, dwelling on it, coming up with ideas on how to achieve it, right? If you are part of a weight loss group and all of you are all about losing that weight, dropping those numbers, toning that body then it really doesn’t get on anyones nerves when you talk about it all day, they want to help you achieve your goals. They ask questions, offer suggestions and some even become a huge support group for you. It’s as though you have your own cheering section in life.

Now the other side of the coin, when you dwell on what your spouse or kids are doing, It isn’t making anyone happy around you, it isn’t making anyone’s world better by listening to the same story over and over again. It is making you miserable, pissed off and repelling people away from you. When I talked about my client yesterday that was so focused on her ex and what he was doing she didn’t see how it was affecting her life and those around her. She didn’t see the point of other people didn’t want to hear it all the time, she was so wrapped up in it, blinded by her negative focus. We can do this with finances, our kids, our spouse, co-workers and school. Are you wrapped up in a story that is weighing you down? Is it a weight on your shoulders and you can’t seem to get it off? The simplest exercise I do with my clients is making an agreement to not think about it, speak about it or even turn its way for one hour a day.

Why do I do this? If we start simple easy steps then we can prove to ourselves we can do it. We need to build this momentum up for when I ask for a full day of not visiting that drama. We can begin to access how you feel when you gave yourself a break from the issue. I ask certain questions and listen to your answers and nine times out of ten we always feel better when we just lay the issue down. When we can release it, we can change our perspectives and thus change the outcome in our own lives.

Let me go one step further, I have some followers from a blog one moms battle on facebook page. So many of those moms are stressed to the max with court drama. My heart goes out to parents in court system, it is not fair at all. My biggest lesson was when I expected others to be fair with me because I am fair and a good person. I completely fooled myself. That is truly like walking up to a lion and not expecting him to eat me because I didn’t eat him or expecting a bull to not attack me because I am a vegetarian. But even though I was hurt, was disappointed by others behaviors I had to release and let it go. I had to learn the lesson of just because I treat others fairly, I look at their point of view, access the situation and do what I think is right for all parties, not everyone lives this way. My bubble was popped, but I did recover without having to dwell on it. I got my perspective changed in a huge way, I recovered and I am still going strong.  You can take this analogy and apply it in business, school, friends and family.

If you are having a bump in the road, a drama swirling around you today, just take a break from it for an hour at least. This frees up your mind to look for ways to solve the issue. It takes the focus off it and turns it onto a problem solving party. All the answers lie within you, just ask yourself and listen. Sometimes the signs are given to you outside of your intuition through a quote, post on social media, or just because you ask yourself what would it take…. instead of asking how can I…..

~much love to you all

 

Been To Rock Bottom Before?

Have you ever hit rock bottom? Like sitting on the floor and crying your eyes out wondering either how did I get here or I want out of this situation and by God I’m doing it.  You may not realize but in that moment, that moment of when it all stands still this is a point of awareness. We have mini ones all the time and we change direction in life. But our “rock bottom” points of awareness are the usually the most powerful ones that move mountains in our lives.  I don’t think or like to use the words rock bottom because you are not really at the bottom of anything.  You are actually stepping up in life, you are making a choice you may have not wanted to make yet but are now ready to. Then guess what, you are moving upwards, you are about to catapult into change and that is always a good thing.  If we truly wouldn’t have allowed ourselves to get so fed up, so upset, so desperate, we wouldn’t have made these crucial decisions to change in life.  It’s as if you have put a stop to the confusion, put a stop to the pain and said that is enough! I am getting over this mountain and it starts today!

When we are in our most fragile time we harness the most valuable information.  People usually can find direction in life when they get fed up with a situation.  When it seems like we keep banging our head up against the same wall over and over we eventually get through that wall by going over it. We release that block and we move up and over the problem.  Does it happen overnight? Well the passion and determination happen in an instant, the moving of the mountain can sometimes take a little while depending on what you are trying to do.

I know people struggle with different things in their lives. I have had many struggles and each one I have found my body can withstand almost anything, it is my mind I must convince. Our minds are incredibly strong when used for good in our lives or used for negative thoughts. What is in the past is in the past, trust me when you replay it, it has nothing new to say.  When you are constantly finding yourself at war with yourself, trust me you will not move or win. Release the story and begin a new one. For example, one of my clients is going through a hard time with an ex. Her story she repeats everyday is vomiting everything new he has done in the past 24 hours, can be towards her, the kids, or someone in the store. Literally I know his every move and I don’t even know him. She is convincing herself, making the belief stronger and stronger every time she speaks or thinks these things so she is essentially brining more of it to her. We started with an hour a day she could not speak his name or think about him in any negative way. An hour, is all I asked for, we struggled through this hour experiment for 4days. I know it was difficult, she was hurt, confused and angry, she had every right to be but she couldn’t see that making him first in her life still she was blocking what she wanted. As we moved through the exercises and making that hour a lot longer each day she found that she began to let go, make more time for her stuff and she got a lot more done each day. Not to mention she began to enjoy life more. She did have one of those rock bottom moments on her bathroom floor but that catapulted her to higher ground.

Same with finances, when you dwell on how much you do not have everyday then you have to keep those circumstances around you. Why? Because you are telling your brain you don’t have enough to do enjoyable things. So the brain believes you, so it has to keep proving to you that you can’t so therefore it only manifest more lacking experiences. Try this experiment, for a week only look at the world with I have more than enough. You are now sending the opposite to your brain, you are sending the messages that you do have more than enough and if it can give you lack it can give you experiences of having more than enough. It’s a fun experiment, the longer you can do it the more rewards you reep.

So for those of us that have had rock bottom moments, do not worry, you are not weak. Instead you are the opposite. Your mind is telling you it has the answers, it has the problem solving capabilities you just have to listen. Often in those times of our eyes flooding we begin to listen to the intuition of I can do this.  :)

~Much love to you all

 

 

Let’s Get It Done!

Some days you just have to get all the things you dislike doing out of the way right off the bat. Then it really feels like a productive day when you did all those bottom of the pile things and guess what it is done!! My three year old has been helping me all morning get this massive to do list done. Although I was not looking forward to doing these things she made it so much better.

Why do we put off things  dislike but we know we need to get them done? Why does it take a boss getting upset, a deadline passing, things getting shut off or shut down, and then you have that uneasy feeling on your shoulders everyday until it is done? Must be our wonderful psychology of looking the other way even though we know we need to get it done. The word that comes to my mind is procrastination!!! Is it simply us fighting with ourselves saying “Please don’t make me do this.”

The best way to get things done is simply to begin. We are not necessarily lazy so don’t get hard on yourself here. Sometimes the thought of tackling the mess, chore or job invokes fear, anxiety or some other negative emotion.  That little to do list, you know the one that you wrote down that has important things at the top. The first day you are to complete it, the things at the top get rolled over onto the next day and the next and the next, and before you know it, those items are now at the bottom of the list but they still need to be done!! Awe, yes the art of oh crap, that was on my list to do but I forgot. I’m thinking you didn’t forget it completely, it is called avoidance! Ha-Ha we all do it, but this is where we literally need to dig deep and do what we don’t want to do and get it done.

We are going to go back to being productive about our goals. Sure paying bills on time isn’t really a productive goal towards our big goal but in away it shows us how much determination and dedication we can give to our big goal. Think about it, if we don’t do the little mundane tasks each day, which is habit, the bills and going to work each day are a constant in our lives, how can we be disciplined enough to learn the new skills we need to achieve the much bigger things? It’s like hopping on a bike when you have never ridden one before utter the words “I got this” and just sit there because you have peddled to get yourself going. You having this means you are stuck there until you figure out you peddle over and over and over until you build up the momentum to glide. Or you may have found yourself at the top of a hill and you put your feet up on the bars and you go 50 down the hill only to crash because you have no clue how to steer the bike. Either way you will crash and burn because the habit of doing something small over and over wasn’t established in your brain. So we start over….

We begin to see the little things in life, the irritating things we do over and over just prep us for the much bigger goals we truly want. When we say I just don’t feel like it right now, you aren’t changing the option. You will still need to do it. IF it is something that has a deadline (which almost always it does have a deadline) you will still have to find more time on a different day to do it. Just get it done! Just work through the irritating emotion of having to do it and do it. :)

That mental toughness is persistence, and you looked procrastination dead in the eyes and said Ha! I did it! Even if you set a timer for 5 minutes, tell yourself you will do the task at hand until the timer goes off. Not tell yourself you will do it in 5 minutes! Tricky, but I caught ya. In that 5 minutes of doing the task you have changed your perspective of being able to get it done, the anxiety or fear has been side lined for 5 minutes. If it has been side lined for 5 minutes then you have now proven to yourself that it can be side lined for 10 minutes or 15 minutes! It is truly all about facing that fear or anxiety inside of yourself and just getting it done. That crazy little fear monkey on your shoulder has quieted down and you can get the task done!

If you need assistance or a starting point with your goals, big or small, in personal or business and want or need help getting over the fear of it all. Or starting the goal contact me mindsdochange@aol.com and we will start a week free consult. We can get a lot done in a week.

~much love to you all

 

It’s Your Life So Live It

It’s your life… How many times have you heard this? Growing up with you are small adults tried to say this without giving you to much independence in your thought process. Because you could use it to rebel a little. :) Or when you turn the magic number of 18 and all of a sudden you are an adult and it’s now your life, do what you want to with it. I think if we like this line, repeat out loud to ourselves or to others then we should explain the meaning behind it.

Although it is my life, boy so many people around me like to tell me how I should be living it. So therefore what they are really saying is it is “our” life. When you are single and not a parent, it is completely your life in a nutshell. When you begin to have others depend upon you, it is a joined life. There are new boundaries, some areas you do share and some you do not. But when do we get to set our own direction? Get to set the pace? Set the rewards for goals achieved? When does blame and shortcomings begin to belong solely to yourself and not anyone else? And your success in life is solely your responsibility?

When did our personal goals for success become so intertwined in others opinions of ourselves? Do you have the mind power to be able to separate their words from your own in your head? Take for example I know many moms that feel weighed down every day. This weight is put upon themselves, they wake up in the morning thinking of all the days chores. Laundry, work, cleaning, taxi cab driving, cooking, kids stuff that needs to be done, spouses stuff that needs to be done, and they put themselves on the very bottom of the list. This is just the basics of anyone who has a family, add to it if there is illness, trauma, drama, divorce, death, school and a side business they are trying to start. How the heck do you get yourself up to the top of the list and feel good with energy everyday?

One you put yourself first even if it is every other day. You have to follow your own vision, that whisper in your heart, making yourself first is priority. If you continue to make others wants and needs a priority over yourself you will be in the same place you are right now a year from now and so on. How do you make time you ask? You make yourself make time for yourself. It sounds simple but I have had my clients literally take a notebook around with them all day for 3 days. It only takes me three days to prove this point. You literally list everything you do and amount time doing it. From getting ready, time wake up, your routines, how much time you  spend doing each activity as you do it during the day. What I have found is we can carve our me time by cutting social media down, even 10 minutes earlier to wake up and a new bedtime routine. With everyone having the same 24 hours in a day, we can literally make new habits to start your dreams coming true.

Changing your perspective and not making anyone else less important in your world, can making your wants and goals happen too. You can have it all. It’s not a myth, it does happen and why not have it happen to you too? You can set the pace of your life, you can ignore the negativity that comes out of others mouths toward you. You are more than capable of achieving everything you want in life. Even if you didn’t know what direction to go, massive action produces results. What I mean by that is say you want to make more money. You have all of these ideas, passions, and no direction. What do most people do? They sit on it because one or two people might have said something negative to them about it. Heck no! Instead massive action is networking, engaging others outside that circle of negativity, writing it all down, eventually new doors will open. New direction will form and guess what you will be on your way to success and the next step will open up. A purpose, like an arrow pointing the way. The only person you can blame is yourself, it is not your ex’s fault, parents fault, kids fault on why you haven’t lit your fire under your booty to get to moving. So get moving!!

~much love to you all

 

Listening to Words, After all We Give Them Meaning

As you start your wonderful day off remember these words when you have fear and a heavy heart….

When people insult you or attack you verbally, don’t take it personally, but do listen to their words. They are telling you how they see the world, and they are telling you the exact negative qualities they possess and often think about themselves in that way.  The Law of Mirrors states that one can only see what’s in them, regardless if it is what is actually present or not.  Release the need to defend or try to explain to them that you’re not being whatever nasty insult they are throwing your way.  Instead take a step back and realize that is their own view on life.  You are needed for them to keep seeing the world in this way. We give their words meaning. They could say we are a worthless, no good person. If you don’t give it any meaning what so ever, then they are just words. If we give their words meaning and make their view more important and more valuable than our own, then we just sunk lower and let those beliefs of theirs mean something to us. Therefore we get sad, we believe them and that leads to so much conflict inside of us. None of us are worthless, and anyone who says that has a major flaw in their own belief system about themselves. Just remember words are just words, you give them meaning. You give them power in your mind, no one else can do that. You have to first believe in what they are saying to make it true for yourself. Begin to ask why you value their opinion about yourself more than your own.

For example, I am know a couple who states on of their ex’s is to blame for everything. I mean who’s ex isn’t to blame for everything that goes wrong in their life, they are an ex right?? Ha-Ha.  But seriously, when you break up there is anger, sadness, blame in the beginning we work through this so everyone can have a better life right? But this couple and the ex take it to another level. The ex is a woman and the couple blames the teenagers bad mood on her. Stating sometimes to the teen, this is all your moms fault that you are acting like this. Um, last I checked teens have a mind of their own, they are very know it all at that age, hormonal to say the least, and last I checked a teenage girl knows it all and doesn’t need someone to blame for an attitude. I told this client, look you have no control over hormones, they are what they are. Some young ladies have slight mood swings when they hit puberty and some are oh goodness batten down the hatches! Don’t take this on as your fault. But what I could pull out of the situation for my client was this: her ex and his new wife are going to say whatever they want to about her. Unfortunately they are saying it to the child. You have no control over their emotions and lash outs. From what all they say it is about them and their issues with life and has nothing directly to do with her since it has been over 10 years since the divorce. She no longer has to defend herself to them, the only one she should care about an opinion is her child. Ask how it makes her child feel. listen to her daughter and go from there. She will never get the adults in the situation to see she has changed because they are running on their own programs, their own life experiences and truthfully they need her to be the bad guy. They have a life view of blame and not owning up to their own actions. So no matter what she does she will not win, she will not ever be perfect enough for them so just leave that part alone. Don’t step into the drama, the roller coaster, the being punished for something that happened years ago in the divorce. Let them hold onto as many stories of the past they want to. If they want to continue to live in the past everyday so be it. Leave it alone, you have to live your life for today. You have a life journey to fulfill, and they have theirs.

One of the best lines I think I had ever told my ex which goes with this example was shortly after we got divorced. I got a new job and had to buy new scrubs for our medical office. I bought a lot! I mean you can’t just have 7 or 8 you need many to chose from in the mornings. He came over shortly after I got home to drop off our child and he stated “You shouldn’t have spent so much money. This is a lot of money on work clothes, this is ridiculous that you spent so much. I just turned around and said “um, I do believe we are divorced and it is no longer your problem on what I spend my money on. That is why you are an Ex now, not a current husband.” He was still living in a world of limits, he was still trying to impose his views of limits upon me and it wasn’t like I spent a ton of money. I had bought majority on clearance for $5.00 a shirt and pant. What seemed like a lot of  money was spent there really wasn’t a lot spent. So don’t take their words to personally, they are letting you know what kind of world they are living in still. Just observe and say thank you for sharing that with me!! :)

~Much love to you all

What Do You Want Out of Life?

What do you want in life? What do you want out of life? What are you willing to do in life to get what you want?

Ever since the debut of “The Secret” it has seemed like more and more people have this expectation of grand things but do nothing to get them. It is like they literally expect to sit on the couch and wait for that new car to pull up in the driveway, or the new house to fall into their lap. Or the million dollars to just appear in their account. The “new way” of thinking is if I believe I can have it, just say a bunch of mantra’s all day, visualize it as mine and know it is mine already then wa-la I must be receiving it. Does it really work that way?

There is no right or wrong answer because I have known people to have money just show up unexpectedly in expected and unexpected ways. I have seen people literally get handed houses for little or no money down and live in them happily. I have seen new cars be given to people that really needed a new car for free. So yes it can happen, yes it does happen and I’m not saying it can’t happen. But when has anything been worth it, really worth it when it was given to you free?

In Multi-Level marketing when someone buys you in, do you work as hard? When we give our oldest a new phone, it is usually broken or cracked in about 2 or 3 months time. She bought her last one with her money and it has been almost a year and it just got cracked. When you cheat on all your tests in all your classes in school, you don’t take the time to learn the skill set you need, what happens? You pass with flying colors but you have no clue what to do in most cases in the real world.

What are you willing to put into life to get the most out of it? Sure it is easy to just sit and wish and hope for things to fall into your lap. What if you took the worry and fear out of meeting new people and trying new things? Are you a hunter in life or a farmer? A hunter hunts for the next thing. Never really satisified but will succeed because they hunt their goals down. A farmer harvests they plant seeds, they water and nuture and then their garden grows. Either way will get you results, either way is action in motion and either way gains you things in life.

I have been both in my life. I switch back and forth depending on the situation I need to accomplish. I use to just sit and wish and wait. I was one of the ones that would sit on my couch and inside my house asking why hasn’t it come to me yet. This doesn’t work, I haven’t gotten what it is I have put on a vision board, or visualized. I got some but not what I wanted ultimately. So I changed my perspective, I re-learned the skills and the one key word I misunderstood. Action… Action is not visualizing, action is not all the busy work during the day such as laundry, action is not writing out the goals,  the action is when you ask yourself “is folding this laundry right now bringing me closer to my goal?” If your goal is to be financially free or get your kids back or new job how is that folding during the day going to get you that? Most businesses, people and opportunities are done during the 9 to 5 hours. Well I think 7 am to 6 pm. If you are doing other stuff to fill your day during these hours and it has nothing to do with those goals then you are NOT doing the action work. You are not putting in the time towards your goals you want. You are fooling yourself, that is the bottom line and a easy excuse to hide behind. Let me ask you this, you want a bank account that would support a Lamborghini, right? Do you see commercials on the TV during your daily routine? If you answered no, think about why… DO you think the people that can afford those luxury items are sitting watching TV? If so, then those commercials would be on. Go one step further, when do you see luxury items on TV? I can think of only one time during the year and they are still very limited to the ads, Superbowl game… Just let that sit for a minute.

Do you need some change in your daily routine? Do you need to revisit that planner and make some appointments, fill that planner up with contacts, lunch dates, coffee dates, networking all day long. Block out times everyday, make this your new priority, we tend to make so many other things top priority that do not serve our purpose. When we begin to enjoy life, by meeting new people, networking, our life purpose comes to life and when we work that purpose the money comes. If you are a stay at home parent, trust me you have a gift more than just serving the family. It is very easy to get labeled, stuck in a habit and pattern. For years I was told I did nothing as a stay at home mom because I wasn’t working outside the home. I struggled with this label for awhile until one day I literally sat down and stopped doing everything for them. It was then I realized how much I really do for others, it was then I began to decide spiltting being a mom and then having a work space. I separate the two and find my balance. I still do things for our family, I still do as much as I can but I have also learned I have goals too and want to achieve them.

Be bold in your goals, go after them, if it scares you then guess what run faster towards them. Use that fear feeling as fuel to go towards, not away. If you do the journey is so much fun!!! Contact me if you would like some fear busting techniques to move you towards your goals or learning balance mindsdochange@aol.com

~much love to you all

 

Choice, Decisions, Which One is The Right One?

Have you ever been faced with difficult decisions, stuck thinking what do I do? Do you argue with yourself and go back and forth all morning, all day and sometimes that back and forth ping pong match goes on for days in that pretty little head of yours?

Or you finally make the choice but have that ping pong match go back and forth in your head with “was it the right choice?” Did I make the right choice? What if it goes wrong? What if there is a back lash towards me? Blah Blah Blah Blah

Why do you drive yourself crazy wondering? Why can’t you push those doubts to the side automatically? Do you know it takes more energy worrying about something than it does to just let it go? You are eating up your energy for the day and future by worrying, doubting yourself and making fear drive you rather than courage and strength. If you made a choice be happy! You made it! There are many people still stuck on the making the decision part. Making a decision opens doors, good or not so good sometimes, but guess what you making a choice will eventually lead to good things.

You took a leap of faith, you jumped off the cliff of life and you are soaring up in the air on your choice. I’m not going to lie, sometimes we do crash and burn after we take that leap. Sometimes we hit rock bottom, don’t want to move out of bed, but you will never ever know an outcome IF you don’t take that leap. If YOU stay in the same spot, frozen, letting that fear monkey jump up and down on your shoulder, you will never ever know what life has in store for you! I can promise the more you take that leap, the more you jump one time or many times you will have success. You will have a full life, you will succeed. We are told this over and over so I am going to repeat it over and over. If you are scared, fearful or unsure, do not walk away from the situation, instead look at it dead in the eyes and make a choice. And act on that choice, throw your shoulders back and look up, look straight ahead. The doubt you pull up in your mind over and over is actually causing that outcome to manifest. What if you decide to not think about it going in a negative way. What if you start to say out loud, in your head, by making this choice the outcome is better than anything I can expect. Begin to turn the tables on a negative situation and believe something better has a chance of happening.

What if the situation doesn’t turn out the exact way you wanted? Are you defeated? Nope. You are not defeated because you didn’t back down, you didn’t give up, and most important you made a choice, you were persistent in your game of life. You have opened other doors in your future with that one choice. They may not have come to light yet but each little choice will open new doors. Keep that in mind. I was once told each little battle does not guarantee a win every time. But in the scope of life, all those little battles won or lost add up. Not every battle was won, not all of them are won in a day. But you have to take the jump to win ultimately.

Changing your perspective about the situation, changing how you look at it will change the outcome. Because it changes your views, opinions and words about the subject at hand. What if your choice goes right? What if your choice or decision was the best one you could have ever made? You just opened up new space in your life for better things to come in. Breath new life into your life! Breath new decisions and direction. Don’t allow the feelings of doom and gloom or being stuck keep you from life.

~much love to you all