You do it, I do it, we all do it at one time or another. We have thoughts of “he/she really gets on my nerves”, “Why can’t he/she just do it?” “He/She is slow, needy, stupid, looks funny.. (insert any put down or belittling adjective)”. Not only is this not very nice, but you should stop and think for a second why in the world am I thinking this way? And this is why it is especially important, to stop you in your tracks and really think about this statement……
Our subconscious minds do NOT distinguish between you and the other person or persons you are speaking about. It thinks you are talking about yourself!! Think about it this way, do a little experiment, when you talk badly about someone does it make you feel really good inside? Do you walk away from the conversation with an elevated feeling? No, usually we walk away, determined we are correct in our assessment, and the feelings so strongly in a negative or low vibration. Why? Because our mind believes we are speaking about ourselves in such a low vibration and we feel low in that vibration so it must be true. We have to switch this and think about why we feel that way about ourselves. You may stop and tell me, no that isn’t how I feel about myself. Oh really? You may not feel about yourself that way right now but I can tell what tapes you have programed in your mind that replay in a time of stress or crisis that you are very fearful or depressed in.
Here is an example I see in many of my clients. I had a lady tell me her day was horrible, her and her husband had gotten into it. He was using control techniques to get what he wanted, he has increasingly become more abusive in the way he was talking to her but what I am known for is I back up the story. I start with questions such as “Well what happened before that?” “What did you say or do?” (I do this with the kids all the time when they are having a bad day at school). With this lady even though in this moment she had not yelled at him, or tried to control the situation in this moment she had in the past. She was so furious he was doing what she had done in the past that is enraged her. I let her begin to see that she was just as guilty in doing these behaviors too and he might have learned them from her and she began to see what she hated the most and made her so angry she was guilty of it too. This is just the beginning of the change to a better life. You begin to see patterns and you have the choice to change them. Another lady that steals information from people at her place of employment, credit card numbers, had someone steal a lot of items from her. She was so furious that someone actually had enough nerve to steal from her. I too struggle with this talking out loud, because my comment to her was “it’s funny how you can steal from people and not have any remorse, but when it happens to you how dare they.” No one is perfect, what fun would life be if we were all perfect every single day of our lives. But instead of criticizing others on a continuous basis, praise them and within in a short month you will see enormous change within you. How you feel, your vibration will go up and you will increase the good things happening to you on a consistent basis.
The same with joking. A long time ago I had someone close to me always say “I was just joking”. It was only when I would get upset over the put downs I was always receiving from this person and I would speak up and get mad about it would I hear the excuse “I’m just joking.” I found out when people that are always putting down and stating that phrase when they see they upset you in reality they believe 95% of what they are saying about you. How do you counteract that those thoughts they think of you? You don’t take them to heart, when you hear a put down about yourself you immediately think “Bless their heart, I hope they begin to feel better about themselves.” One you are not absorbing what they think of you, you are not making their words a belief about yourself and two you are not returning a put down or anger, you are stating to your subconscious a new way of thinking about yourself. By stating I hope they begin to feel better about themselves you are raising your own vibration. Is this easy? NO, absolutely not, it is easier to go off and tell them what you think of them. Trust me I know, I have people in my life constantly trying to put me down, letting me know what they think of me and really it had to sink into my brain those are thoughts about themselves. And oh my goodness, they have an extremely low vibration. The words I hear no longer affect me because honestly after hearing them for the 1,000 time, it is the same saying, same put downs, same everything I can not make them change their mind about me. The only thing I can do is be opposite of what they think. Will this change anything? No probably not in their minds. Do I really care what they think, NO, I rarely have to talk to them and they never say it to my face so what do I have to be fearful about? I began to see it wasn’t me personally, they didn’t think like me so therefore they wanted or felt they needed to change me to their low vibration. So this is my thinking about that…..”I have felt pain, the kind that rips into the deepest depths of my soul and makes you feel like you can’t breath. I have been lied to, I’ve been cheated, I’ve lost many people I’ve loved, and I’ve had to remove many knives from my back that people I trusted. I’ve had to learn many lessons the hard way, but her I still stand. I refuse to let anyone break me. I promise that I will always pick myself back up when I fall, steady myself when I stumble, and love myself when I am hurting. I refuse to ever be changed by someone else forcefully.” No one has the right to try to change you into someone they think you should be. Their thoughts coming out of their mouths are about themselves and they can’t see it yet. You get to chose whether to believe what they think of you or believe in yourself more. But the same goes for what comes out of your mouth. Whether you are a mom, dad, aunt, uncle, teacher, wife, husband or “Friend” your words do have more power than you think. Words stay with you a lot longer, words shape your future. We remember words more than the event itself. Take note to the words you use on a continuous basis, are you building yourself up or tearing yourself down with what you think and what comes out of your mouth?
Set yourself up for success, do you wake up in a great mood? What do you think about first thing in the morning? Say seven, 7, thank you’s when you wake up. Feel thankful, because the Good Lord let you wake up today, there are people that didn’t get another day. Be thankful for the present moment, don’t wake up stressed and upset as soon as your eyes open. Life is enjoyable, our minds are a beautiful mess up there and sometimes the fun is the journey of de-cluttering our brains. :)