Have you seen the post of Facebook that goes something like “January was a test month, I really start my resolutions on February 1st? I laughed and thought how true!! We can make any day our first day to a new resolution. We moved a lot when I was little, to help me cope with each new move, sometimes from state to state my mom offered this “You can reinvent yourself, whatever qualities you disliked about yourself you can change and be a new person. These people don’t know you, so throw your shoulders back and go.” Now what I got from that was “there is something wrong with me, and I need to change.” As much as I disliked moving all the time, I grew to like the change. I grew to accept that I could reinvent myself. This did help me cope with some of life’s curve balls and show others how to cope too.
Change does not have to be scary. That is your fear over running in your mind. That is your fear monkey jumping up and down on your shoulder screaming in your ear so you can’t see the wonderful in the future. That fear monkey talks in your ear and tells you something is wrong with you or this wouldn’t have happened to you. How many times have you asked, what did I do so bad to make this happen? I have been good, I don’t deserve this at all. That is that fear monkey, that is all the doubts and limits surfacing that you internally think about yourself. If you have ever wanted to know truly how you love or treat yourself with your self talk, go through a tough time and watch your words you think and speak about yourself. My biggest life lesson was about four years ago. There is nothing in the world like listening to someone speak outloud the words you would say to yourself. My first marriage was not healthy, I was told daily what all I couldn’t do correctly, that I was worthless and when I was told I would stay home with our daughter because no one else could watch her, the view of me being a stay at home mom turned negatively. When court hearings came around years later I listened to his attorney not only speak every word my ex use to say to me (I should have been use to hearing it, it was daily). I’m talking words such as worthless, doesn’t do anything, spontaneous, out of control, low-life. The list goes on and on, and I represented myself so I didn’t have a way to make it stop. I literally sat there for every appearance and listened to some stranger who didn’t even know me speak words I had up to that point spoke to myself about myself. Then after court one day, I thought to myself, why in the heck does their opinion of me matter? Why should I care about what they say? Why am I saying this to myself when I had been conditioned to think that way during a marriage that was now over? I let it sink in and I began to push the fear aside. I was finding out that I put more value in them than I did myself and no more! I made the decision, I changed my perspective that they didn’t know what the heck they were talking about.
I began to think I have always been persistent, determined and strong willed. Those were the qualities I have always been described. So my grandma said this to me when I needed it the most “go ahead, they can tell me I’m not good enough, they can tell me I can’t do it. Because I will show them over and over again that I CAN and I WILL.” I began to see that my ex hadn’t been around me in awhile, he truly had no idea the person I had changed into, because when you are given life challenges you change as a person. I feel when they talk bad about me that was really a self portrait of themselves they were talking about. Because I don’t know how a stay at a home mom with multiple kids just sits on the couch all day and night, doing nothing. To tell our daughter because I am a stay at home that I am worthless did hurt but didn’t really surprise me that they would say that. I have put more value into what I say and think about myself then what they think or say. If you can move to this point in your mind then what anyone says will not bring you back down. You have done some amazing growth inside of yourself and fear should be lessening now. Fear of moving on, fear of change, fear of not trusting yourself is how you fall into the trap of allowing others words matter more than your own. Your thoughts and beliefs should be stronger than all others, you should believe in yourself more and not depend on others beliefs about you or any situation.
Really dive into those negative words you say to yourself. Really dive into it and examine why you let others opinions be more trustworthy, more valuable than your own. Trust starts with yourself first in order to move mountains. Trusting yourself to make the best decisions for yourself begins inside of you first. Giving that over to someone else is when we lose our footing, we lose the sense we can do new things, and we lose to fear. We begin to cave when new things are introduced into our world, the expected and the unexpected. To not cave begin to trust in yourself again, take back your power and no matter what go for your dreams! Don’t let others squash those dreams and you just live life day to day. Not challenging yourself to grow, or have new in life. You can not change your past, you can only grow from it, learn and make life better now.
~much love to you all