Why did I chose to write a book on such a triggering and touch subject of my past? Why in the world would I put something out into the world that’s a skeleton in my closet? I mean my generation we were told everyone has skeletons in their closet you just don’t talk about yours.
That’s where the problem lies I think. You are damned if you do talk about it but damn inside yourself if you don’t talk about it. It’s like walking around with a Scarlet Letter on every piece of clothing you wear but no one sees it. It’s a stigma, it’s an uneducated old story that doesn’t serve anyone. And most of all keeping things to yourself is not only NOT healthy it doesn’t help anyone, history can repeat if you don’t speak up and shift!!
What I mean by history repeats itself is for so many years I felt like the black sheep of the family. If I came around they didn’t call me by my name I was so and so’s daughter, I was ignored, I was like a painful thorn in their sides. Why? Well my theory is this. I told. I told loud and clear, I chose to stay in this abusers life for my own damn healing. Because there does come a time in healing that you realize it’s an illusion and the best thing is to make a choice for yourself to heal as much as possible in that given moment. So I kept coming around and what I realized when I shifted how I viewed their reactions to me is this. Every time I came around I was an open wound for them. When I appeared or came into town for a visit I was standing my ground and that made them really uncomfortable. I was stepping Into an arena where nothing made sense, it could be triggering and combative but I was there for me. If I was triggering them into uneasiness it’s because of their own back stories, their own unhealed shit and really nothing to do with me. I was a presence of healing and that made them uncomfortable. My soul’s light was bright and I was shining light into their very own cracks. That is HUGE!! Huge to no longer take it personally or being hurt.
But lifelong patterns showed up in different forms, sneaky ass patterns or back stories. They rarely show up the same way twice. But they do show up until you observe, shift and change. It’s not some complicated math formula, it’s not all that difficult once you understand what all the teachers before us taught. Our thoughts, beliefs and actions are all intertwined. They all are one to bring forth our reality into our life. I am very transparent, vulnerable and tell it like it is. I step into this arena of life often and get back up when I fall down. I have come to figure out if your not in that arena of life falling and getting back up but want to offer hurtful words or throw mud. Your a spectator in life not a game changer. Your up in the stands observing what others do. Not down on the field playing the game. And that my friends is what makes the biggest shift in mindset. There is nothing wrong or right with either position. But the game changers you can tell who they are. They don’t throw mud, Spears or hurt. They get it. They understand what it’s like to be a game changer and cheer you on from the ground view.
This is why I chose to stand up and want to help others empower their stories. To play the game of Life and have fun doing it. To achieve and grow to the goals you want. Anything is possible. Only you make it impossible and hard and painful.
Here is the link to our beautiful journey. Join us https://store.bookbaby.com/bookshop/book/bad-things-happened
Much love
Nikki
mindsetforlife 