Busting Through Pain of the Past

It is absolutely amazing how nature, inventions and our mind goes hand in hand.  Our brain has often been referred to as a complex computer system inside of our skull.  With millions of networks and pathways that carry on day to day activities, have us breath automatically, we talk to ourselves without even thinking twice about it, sense pain, danger and love, it is pretty incredible when you think about it.  Our brains are the most amazing organ in the universe when you think about all it can do.

When we bring up all our past hurts and pains we are creating a road for us to travel down all the time.  Think of it as a train track, and your mind is a car and when you begin to think those memories you are traveling down those tracks.  Sometimes we get so carried away our car gains speed and we can’t stop and before we know it we are completely immersed in the pain.  It is real, it is happening all over again and man we are suffering.  I use to suffer from anxiety or panic attacks, I would get myself going and it was difficult to stop.  I lived in the past for a long time, I let it consume me and I suffered.  I would relive a past pain, a wrong that someone did to me and I got hurt from it.  Why? Why in the world do we do this? It started with the actual experience, we got really upset from it and bam we started a new train track in our head.  We laid the rails, the wood and put a rail car on that track and we kept going down that track.  We kept going down it by reliving the story to all our friends, telling strangers about it, feeling the pain over and over and over.  It became part of our life story, intentionally or unintentionally it is now a path in our brain.  I began to tell myself I don’t want to keep reliving this, I don’t want all this pain drudged up over and over.  It’s not something I want to keep dwelling on, there has to be a way to heal and get past this.  Guess what! There is a way to heal and move on.  It just takes some motivation, dedication and focus for a little bit to get on a new train track.    I began to question the thoughts, beliefs and feelings I had daily.  I began to become aware of my feelings, and started to ask myself is it true? IS this stressful or negative thought really true? How can I know it is absolutely true? How do I react when I believe in this thought or feeling? Who would i be right now If I didn’t have this thought?

Let’s use my series of questions in a situation I coached a friend of mine through.  He would tell me all the time no one wants to marry a older man with young kids.  After hearing this same story a couple of different times I began to ask why he thought that statement was true.  His reply was I am in my late 40’s and have two young kids, no woman will want to take that on.  I said is that really a true statement? Can you look around and tell me you have never ever seen other older men get happily married to a great woman who loved him and his kids? Can you give me examples of famous people who have done this? Can you honestly tell me a statistic to back up this feeling you keep saying to yourself? Can you really honestly tell me no one ever in the history of the universe has ever gotten married later in life and lived happily with kids? He sat there and said I get the point, I am limiting myself and feeling sorry for myself so I have made up an excuse.  I asked how did it make him feel when he would say those words out loud to me and everyone else he was telling.  I know if you will tell me you have at least repeated it to yourself many times and possibly out loud to others.  He said it made him feel hopeless, like a failure and alone.  He didn’t want to believe it but he hadn’t found the right woman so he made that excuse up to make him feel better temporarily.  But it ended up being a rail car that railroaded him in finding love again in his life.  After this we worked on ways to bust through that excuse and make a new story for himself.  Happy to report he has begun dating again and is enjoying life in a new way.

Life doesn’t have to be so complicated, you can change.  You can change your brain and the thoughts you feed it at any time.  You can change your life story if you want to. To understand the brain, how it works and what our thoughts really are it can bring about some amazing results.

~Much love to you all

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