Do you find yourself in a constant daily habit of perpetuating a cycle of drama in your mind? Is it filling up space in your mind that should be instead filled up with possibilities of ways it can work?
For example, do you play over and over again a scene in your head, it can be a circumstance that has happened already and you just can’t let it go. Or it can be a made up scenario in your mind that you think can happen or it will happen that way.
A person who use to be in my life a lot was a master at this, and I learned first hand how this skill can be used to your advantage or to your disadvantage, and being on the receiving end of it, I could see it better. We had been having some problems and we didn’t communicate that well with one another. He was at work and this is how a phone conversation went the best I can remember, but the impression of the situation left a bigger mark. He had been away from all morning, at lunch I received a call stating “you don’t love me, you never have loved me, I have been thinking about it all morning.” Wow, really? What kind of thoughts have you been thinking all morning? He admitted he had been replaying all the scenarios in his head, made up or reality based to confirm his new belief. I just saw, heard and experienced how we can convince ourselves of a belief whether it was true or not and hard wire it in our head. Maybe on some level it was really his way of coping with what was going on, but it opened my eyes up to how powerful our words are that we tell ourselves over and over. We do begin to believe the words, good or bad, positive or negative and it becomes a new reality to us, so therefor we have to search for confirmation that the new belief is now true. New circumstances have to happen in order for it to come true.
How about when we are so eager and excited about a new business opportunity. We have the supporting staff, we have the momentum to keep going, but that one dream stealer comes into our world and knocks us off our pedestal and we spiral back down. Sometimes the words coming from others of I don’t think you can do that” or “I wouldn’t go that route” It let’s fear and doubt come in, the door you shut is now open again and what do you do? You have an option, you always have an option. No matter what the circumstance is you have options, no one can take that away from you.
What you do is take that option and go for your goal. It really doesn’t matter what someone else’s belief is. I sat and tried to talk to him and give him all the examples I showed him that I did love him. He didn’t want to hear any of them. He was dead set on the fact that I had never ever loved him, not even for a moment. I couldn’t say anything that was going to prove my point because it was complete opposite of his and he was right. So my option was to accept and move on, I wasn’t going to waste my time convincing someone of a feeling. They aren’t me, they have no idea what is going on inside my head. If you are ever faced with trying to argue a point about feelings, just don’t step into it. Your feelings do matter, and only you can validate your own feelings. Their feelings are theirs, they own them, and you do not have to buy into their minds reality, you just know what goes on with you.
Recently we had a talk in our house, and we are still talking about it, a teen here in town made a huge mistake. She decided she didn’t have any more options and thought her only option was to take her life. Now we don’t assume the circumstances behind this action, we don’t judge, but listen to me, you always have an option. No matter how bad it seems to get, you always have an option. Tomorrow is a different day, tomorrow can hold the complete opposite of today. Your mind is strong and it can convince you of it looking good or bad. Your beautiful mind can change, it is heart breaking to see family, friends and teens cope with the tragedy. Please make this a new mantra if you haven’t already in your life, we always have options. You always have options, options are an amazing life changer.
~much love to you all
I am still rolling towards my goal of helping 1,000 people in 2016. Email me for a free week of life coaching firstname.lastname@example.org