As you start your wonderful day off remember these words when you have fear and a heavy heart….
When people insult you or attack you verbally, don’t take it personally, but do listen to their words. They are telling you how they see the world, and they are telling you the exact negative qualities they possess and often think about themselves in that way. The Law of Mirrors states that one can only see what’s in them, regardless if it is what is actually present or not. Release the need to defend or try to explain to them that you’re not being whatever nasty insult they are throwing your way. Instead take a step back and realize that is their own view on life. You are needed for them to keep seeing the world in this way. We give their words meaning. They could say we are a worthless, no good person. If you don’t give it any meaning what so ever, then they are just words. If we give their words meaning and make their view more important and more valuable than our own, then we just sunk lower and let those beliefs of theirs mean something to us. Therefore we get sad, we believe them and that leads to so much conflict inside of us. None of us are worthless, and anyone who says that has a major flaw in their own belief system about themselves. Just remember words are just words, you give them meaning. You give them power in your mind, no one else can do that. You have to first believe in what they are saying to make it true for yourself. Begin to ask why you value their opinion about yourself more than your own.
For example, I am know a couple who states on of their ex’s is to blame for everything. I mean who’s ex isn’t to blame for everything that goes wrong in their life, they are an ex right?? Ha-Ha. But seriously, when you break up there is anger, sadness, blame in the beginning we work through this so everyone can have a better life right? But this couple and the ex take it to another level. The ex is a woman and the couple blames the teenagers bad mood on her. Stating sometimes to the teen, this is all your moms fault that you are acting like this. Um, last I checked teens have a mind of their own, they are very know it all at that age, hormonal to say the least, and last I checked a teenage girl knows it all and doesn’t need someone to blame for an attitude. I told this client, look you have no control over hormones, they are what they are. Some young ladies have slight mood swings when they hit puberty and some are oh goodness batten down the hatches! Don’t take this on as your fault. But what I could pull out of the situation for my client was this: her ex and his new wife are going to say whatever they want to about her. Unfortunately they are saying it to the child. You have no control over their emotions and lash outs. From what all they say it is about them and their issues with life and has nothing directly to do with her since it has been over 10 years since the divorce. She no longer has to defend herself to them, the only one she should care about an opinion is her child. Ask how it makes her child feel. listen to her daughter and go from there. She will never get the adults in the situation to see she has changed because they are running on their own programs, their own life experiences and truthfully they need her to be the bad guy. They have a life view of blame and not owning up to their own actions. So no matter what she does she will not win, she will not ever be perfect enough for them so just leave that part alone. Don’t step into the drama, the roller coaster, the being punished for something that happened years ago in the divorce. Let them hold onto as many stories of the past they want to. If they want to continue to live in the past everyday so be it. Leave it alone, you have to live your life for today. You have a life journey to fulfill, and they have theirs.
One of the best lines I think I had ever told my ex which goes with this example was shortly after we got divorced. I got a new job and had to buy new scrubs for our medical office. I bought a lot! I mean you can’t just have 7 or 8 you need many to chose from in the mornings. He came over shortly after I got home to drop off our child and he stated “You shouldn’t have spent so much money. This is a lot of money on work clothes, this is ridiculous that you spent so much. I just turned around and said “um, I do believe we are divorced and it is no longer your problem on what I spend my money on. That is why you are an Ex now, not a current husband.” He was still living in a world of limits, he was still trying to impose his views of limits upon me and it wasn’t like I spent a ton of money. I had bought majority on clearance for $5.00 a shirt and pant. What seemed like a lot of money was spent there really wasn’t a lot spent. So don’t take their words to personally, they are letting you know what kind of world they are living in still. Just observe and say thank you for sharing that with me!! 🙂
~Much love to you all