Trauma, Drama and Focus

How do you react to when things go wrong in life? What do you think, say or do when something is taken from you? Our three year old crosses her arms, alligator tears well up in her eyes and she either barks at you or she will say you are mean. The “you are mean” is a start to stating feeling messages (which I do like) but how do you act? How do you cope after a setback?

For me I have always had anger fuel me to create situations in my own life in my 20’s and 30’s.  That attitude of I am going to do it regardless of what you think or say. Or “oh ya, you think I cant do it, watch me!” attitudes created plenty of memories.   Then I released the majority of that anger and life started to happen to me instead of me creating it. Personally I love the first attitude, I got more done, more great life experiences and I knew what to expect or at least saw it coming.

So what do you do when you are blind-sided by a traumatic event? Do you crawl up in a ball and just be there? Like a blob? Or do you dust yourself off and get back in the game of life? Divorce, death, child leaving, fire, any natural force of nature taking everything you own, breaking up, sickness, or even getting fired from a job to name a few. We are all made differently, we all have different set points of what we can tolerate and get over easily in life. For example divorce may not be a big deal to one person and someone else can’t move. They may have night sweats, night mares, not leave their house, think they are ruined for life. Hit rock bottom so hard that it jars everything in their mind except seeing that life is not over.

When I had my head correctly on (as I would call it) I was driven, I was focused, I created my life, I didn’t allow others to dictate how I would live. I mean majority of teens and 20 year olds are this way correct? Then you get married and start to adopt others views. I have talked about this in other blogs. Those views you begin to adopt sometimes and life begins to happen to you. But my little spark inside of me pulls me back stating “um, no this is NOT the way it is supposed to go. Get it together”. And I get reminded that I am the one in “control” of my life.  Not to many years ago I hit the bottom of bottom. I allowed so much negativity in my life, it literally consumed me, it covered me and it was so dark. I look back on my timeline that Facebook now puts up on your feed, see your memories, and I think wow!! Even during those hard years I still saw my old focus, my old attitude of you are not going to get me down. But when the lowest part hit me, the depth of the pain was something I had never felt before. I had 2 blows less than a year. A spouse that was cheating and then I got punished for not putting up with it and leaving.

That low struck me in my heart and soul. It was a pain I had never felt before, it was indescribable how many tears fell from my eyes. I think I could have filled up the ocean. For two days I cried, but I still had to function. I still had to go through life, I still had to get up and get stuff done each day. Even though I had an unbelievable support system to turn to, they did everything to pick me up and get me going again. It had to come from inside of me. My drive and passion had to come from inside of me to want to get back into the game of life. Did it hurt every day? Heck yes it hurt.  Did I want to give up? Heck ya I wanted to give up. I didn’t get that choice though, I still had to fight. Did I want to just be left alone? Um yes. But that is not my attitude, I had been crapped on, beat down, and I deserve better in life. That little sentence every day fueled me at first. I deserve better, I deserve everything I want in life. Will it take some time? Yes, when you go through trauma it isn’t like a week later or even a month later you snap your fingers and it is all okay. But if you stay in the game of life, you produce when others think you won’t you are showing the Universe you are still in the game. For years I was told by my grandma “never be afraid of your enemies.” Do not make them stronger than you. You do that by concentrating on what they have on you or over you. Instead you magnify on your own strength or the strength of the universe or God. By magnifying your own strength you make yourself bigger, not them. If you see the problem or challenge is huge then that’s the indicator of how big your future is IF you stay in the game and keep living life to its fullest.  Grandma use to say “The enemy may have a big bark, they may look bigger than you as they hover over you with the issue, it may look like you will never defeat them baby girl. But truth is they are no match for you. Look that challenge in the eye, stare it down, know in your heart you are better than the problem, you can do it and no matter what look at them as though they are under your feet.” She would also tell me if I feel off then dust the dirt off my boots and climb right back on.

If you think you have been beaten, then you have because you gave up. Just because an outcome happened in the past, it doesn’t mean your life is over. We are all here on this earth to do something good. To have love in our life and have self-love.  Each person’s journey is different and each person’s story is different. It is when we begin to share our own personal journey and how we cope that we can start to help others. Do not give up because someone else seems bigger than you. You have given them that power and it is your power you need to have back. Getting back in the game after being hit hard means you are open to receiving something so much better in life. Get your head in the game and get to receiving extra special life moments. No one can take away your future events but yourself. You either hold yourself back by living in the pain every day or you start to let go and live.  By the way you are not letting go of the pain for them, it doesn’t change anything they feel about the situation. You let go for yourself, so you can move forward. Pain is different for everyone, let them carry it around from now on. You can be free.

If you want some ideas or just someone to listen email me for a free week consult mindsdochange@aol.com  Pain sucks, but it sucks more to keep being in it day after day.

~much love to you

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