Why do we let our mistakes make us who we are, define ourselves for the rest of our lives? What makes a mistake so big, so terrible, such a life defining moment that we often can’t go forward anymore? A label as how we have to live our lives by now instead of giving ourselves a break and looking at it a whole different way?
What is a mistake anyway? Why does it have so much power for people and over their lives? It is like a shadow they can’t shake, and often times regret once the action or words are spoken. Since I was little my grandmother always said to me “Live your life without regrets, if you do something own up to it, you wanted to do it in the first place so own up to it.” Now that I am older I sometimes see and realize I take statements as black and white. I have lived my life up to this point in this black and white area on this statement. Do I like all the things I have done? No… Do I wish I could take some of them back? No, again. Why? Because they were not spur of the moment decisions, I did think about them before I did them, I wanted to do them and so therefore I own my choice, I made my own choice and I do live without regrets.
To me a mistake is a choice that either A you made and wanted to do regardless. And B either you got caught and someone fiercely did not like you choice you made and made you feel bad for it OR you have made yourself feel bad for it because it affected someone in a negative way. IF it was all a positive experience then it would not be a mistake right? It would be an Oops, sorry I did it that way but it all turned out all right for everyone. Start looking at your own mistakes as “oops” start to see your own oops as a smaller incident, not one that has to tarnish your life. When we begin to give our power away and make others opinions and beliefs more true than our own we lose a huge part of ourselves. We make their beliefs about ourselves more important. This Is not a way to live your life, trust me I know this first hand. I have given my power of me over to so many loved ones that really didn’t love me. They walked all over me, abused me and discarded me like trash in the end. It left me so confused, heart broken and depressed. I would often times think “I gave you all of me, I thought your way was better than mine, I got lost in your world thinking it was better than my own world.” What did that give me? That gave me a feeling of no control of my own mind, beliefs or thoughts. It left me bitter in the end and leaving the situation because I was no longer valued as a person. I was something they could control, I was a puppet and boy when I came back around and warned them of what was going to happen if things didn’t change, they ignored me. Rightly so, because up to that point they had my power, they had a shell of me, not the true me, I had conformed into someone I thought they had wanted. So I could be loved by them, so they would accept me, I was literally the perfect house wife, perfect mom, perfect house and yard, that was my days for 7+ years. I was a perfect PTA mom, volunteered for everything I could do, spent all my days with our child because he didn’t want anyone else to raise her. Was it all a mistake? NO, I learned so much during that time, I learned how to be a giver, how I needed to set boundaries for myself, how to ask, how some qualities of pleasing everyone but myself would lead to burnout and ultimately destroy what I loved the most. I learned many qualities and jobs of volunteering and leadership. I learned a ton during this period, do others agree with the way I handled things? Probably not, but to me they didn’t value me as a person when I was there, they didn’t give a crap when I told them my feeling messages so in essence why would I give a crap about their view of me now? Why would I give their opinions more value over my own?
But it could have easily defined me as a human being, it could have easily had a negativity so big that it would have shadowed me for the rest of my life. But I changed my perspective of it all. As much as we all dislike taking responsibility for our own actions, I do, I have. It’s when the other people don’t own up to it and want you to bear it all upon yourself that I call the bullcrap flag. Have you ever had someone in your own life state “It is all your fault, you have just made the biggest mistake of your lift”. I usually run as fast as I can to get away from so much negative, I do not want that in my energy field, I don’t even want a touch of it absorbed into my field. It is not a mistake if they are making you take all the blame, shame and guilt. That is just them imprinting upon you their world and views are better than your own. But really only your own views, your own thoughts and your own beliefs fit you. Stay true to yourself, stay true to who you be, and most of all stay true to your own belief.
A mistake doesn’t have any power unless you give it some. A mistake does not have to keep living in your energy field as a bad thing. What if you turned you mistake into an oops? What if you said words you did not mean to say? First you have to get right with why they came out of your mouth. Did you really mean it deep down? I had someone that would always say they were just teasing me when they would put me down. An ex spouse would always say things like “your so dumb, your so lazy, you don’t ever do anything, your so…” I would get upset and pissed off and he would then say I was just teasing you or I was just playing. Okay when someone states something over and over again, one it is not just playing, they believe it somewhere deep down about themselves, and portray it upon you. So did you mean what you said? Do you truly mean that about the other person or about yourself? You have to get right with the statement before you can turn it around. Did you say things to your child you didn’t mean? Is it because you are tired, over worked and under appricitated feeling? You know that is ultimately your fault you feel this way? You haven’t taken a break somewhere along the line for it, and now you are taking it out on someone who can’t make you do it. If you take the responsibility for your words, look at why they came out of your mouth you can make sure it doesn’t happen again.
Another way to look at a mistake is have you ever been told “if you keep doing it and saying sorry each time then it is no longer a mistake, it is on purpose.” Someone made a new perspective about a mistake, they made it sound as though you keep doing the action over and over then you are intentionally doing the deed. So why can’t a mistake be an oops, I have corrected the problem now because I see it, I own it and I take responsibility for it. I learned a life lesson and it does not have to define me for the rest of my life. I think that people who hold you up to your mistakes for your entire life knew the old you, not the “you”, you are now. They have refused to see that you have changed because they want to keep you hurting for something in the past. I have always said “If I had a million dollars, a nice house, nice cars, traveled all over the world, and made a huge difference in other people’s lives my ex wouldn’t even notice or comprehend my change. He is to busy making me be who I use to be in the past. He has held onto that view and isn’t ready to change it.” I had to make the choice to keep living in his view or live how I wanted to live.
Make 2016 your year, your year for good, positive change. Begin to question your “mistakes” and label them differently so you can move on and begin anew. Deal with them, forgive and release and move forward in life, not stuck in a rut that you haven’t been able to get out of in a long time. If you are still living with your “mistakes” and re living them everyday you are in essence self punishing yourself and it does not have to be that way everyday of your life. You can get past it. One of my friends always says your mess is your messge in life. Look, embrace and take responsibility for your mess and you will come out on the other side of it shining!!
~Much love to you all