Opinions… Got One?

Opinions are like a**holes, everyone has one….. I heard this all the time growing up.

What makes someone’s opinion more important than your very own? How they view you, how they think about you, how they think you should live your life? Maybe some of it comes from us as children wanting to please, or do what our parents want us to do. As we grow into an adult we lose ourselves and our own identity transferring onto our spouse or loved one and value their opinion more about us and our lives than our own little voice.

For example, I was told by my own child a couple of things.  First I was in shock about what she was told about me and second I really did some soul-searching on how I would absorb the information into my own brain.  How would you respond to your own child if he/she came up to you and said “So and so told me about what happened to you as a child, I am so sorry mommy, that is awful.” “so and so said that being a stay at home mom means you are worthless, you don’t do anything all day long, and I can’t believe they said this about you, you work hard everyday mom. But I was told I should want to be more of a person than you because you wasted your life.” Ok I know these are two “hot” subjects for some people, I have blogged a little before about these and my reactions.  But today I want to focus on how or why these other people’s opinions should NOT matter to me.

At first my gut reaction was to fire back but I took a deep breath and thought about my reaction.  What I say not only am I talking to myself but I am teaching a lesson to my daughter. She knows my attitude and firing back at people and the calmness I also have.  She was being sincere and looking for guidance on how people could talk so badly about the person she loves so dearly.   So I took the lesson of what others think and say about you, you don’t have to believe. Their opinions are theirs and I do not have to make it my own.  I asked her what she thought, how it made her feel to hear those things, what she believed for herself and not because of the opinion of another person.  Then I explained how the only opinion that mattered is who I made it matter to me. For example,  her opinion matters to me because I make it matter.  My husbands opinion matters to me and a handful of selected other people.  For the most part, I pick who I want to listen to, who I value as a smart, kind and caring, and who I do not.

How do you let the opinions of others roll off your back? Look at celebrities, they are some of the best teachers.  Even though we “little people” don’t have our names, pictures or business all over the weekly entertainment magazines our business is spread by word of mouth and social media sites.  You in essence become a “celebrity” through your popularity on social media.  You will have haters and followers it comes with the territory.  When haters come to hate you can look at it as “poor thing, they really have a lot of hatred inside of themselves to say all that” a mirror reflection standpoint of what they say out loud bad about you is a reflection of how they really feel about themselves.  Or dang they are really lost souls, they should be infused with some love. I don’t spend a second wondering what the heck happened to them to have so much hate inside them.  I actually say a little prayer helping me release what they said about me and ask for something good or love to enter into their lives to make it better.

But what happens when they really say something to get under your skin, one sentence? One belief you had about yourself and they said it out loud? What do you do when it really hurts you? Hearing those words from my daughter was not easy. It really hurt me, I sat and thought I do more in one freaking day taking care of our family then you will ever do in your whole pathetic life. I thought who are you to tell her something that happened to me as a child and last I checked you weren’t there, you weren’t there when the abuse was happening, how do you know enough to tell her? You don’t you are no better than a cock roach on the bottom of my shoe you spread lies, hatred and deceit every where you go. Not only did you teach me I should be a stay at home mom, because you wanted NO ONE to take care of our child when we were married, you deflated the balloon of me wanting a career for myself by drilling into my head there is no more of an important job than sacrificing yourself and staying home to be a mom.  Now you want to tell her I suck, I am nothing because I have done what you drilled into my head? See how I let their opinions even 15 years ago change my life?  I lost myself I lost who I was in that marriage. I endured abuse during that marriage too and when I did find myself finally and leave the marriage, all these years later I have grown and this person has stayed the same.  I had to really look at why I let this persons opinions matter over my own still. The bottom line is when I could cut that this persons opinion is like an a**hole saying I was able to really look at them for who they are. They mean nothing to me. I think really knowing for a while how much he and she hated me, how selfish they are, how narcissistic they are really opened my eyes.  I could see them that way because I had embraced that part of myself.  I saw the things I really disliked in me in them and I could release the hatred. Releasing the hatred is only healing for myself, it has no effect on them. As a result I can think clearly, have more positive energy every day and go after my dreams and goals in a healthier way.  They and their opinions no longer are taking up the most space in my mind.  And that my friends is the real blessing out of all of this.  Learning the art of not absorbing what others think of you. The blessing of living your life to the fullest even with your haters.  IF you have haters then you are doing something they wish they could be doing.  If you have haters then at least you have a following. If you have haters, you are doing something in life right. It just comes with the territory. Even Jesus had haters, so feel loved, feel accepted, feel happiness everyday deep inside of yourself. Don’t let the beliefs of others mess with you!

Much love….

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