FEAR No More

I have truly been blessed lately to  watch what can  happen in life unfold around me.  All the gentle reminders of what chaos, calm, hurt, happiness and most of all belief can do in people’s lives.  How much fear can overtake a small, tiny, tiny particle of thought and make it into a thunderstorm of doubt, anger and fury.  How much fear can shake a firm foundation and ultimately cost you things you love in life.

Since this blood-red moon I have seen more situations shaken up and rocked sideways.  Superstitions true? Blood moons bring trouble or people buy into the hype? How do you calm yourself once fear does set in?

For me I begin to feel the fear, the pain, the chaos and I do sit in it for a minute, I am careful not to act or say words during this time.  I use to fly off the handle and be quick to react, this has taken a lot of practice not to do.  But at times depending on the situation I still do react quickly and follow my gut, we are human by the way. No one is perfect. But most of the time I quickly remind myself this is a false illusion appearing real in this moment.  Why is it an illusion you ask? It is an illusion because if you were someone else in this same situation, it would appear differently to them.  You react in this fear because we automatically bring up every situation that triggers this feeling deep down, we don’t recall every memory that caused this but we do automatically recall emotions so we “feel” the fear.  This is the illusion, if you can just stop, breathe and think “now what in my past has caused me to feel this way?” For example when I did this exercise with a friend of mine her fear was her and her spouse were in a disagreement over something.  She got her feelings hurt for not being listened to by her husband.  She immediately got on the phone with me and started “can you believe he didn’t listen to me?” “I asked him to do this and this and he just ignored me.”

Now this is the illusion, she is caught up in this moment because what she wanted done right this second was for him to take the trash out because she had been cleaning all day long.  In her mind she had been cleaning to make the house look nice for all of them, scrubbing floors, laundry, everything was put away, I could see her point of view.  But I also saw the other side of the coin, the one where he was busy doing his own thing in the garage, he had the kids outside so they wouldn’t mess up her house while she was cleaning, when she asked him to take out the trash I asked her what was he doing.  Her first reaction was nothing, I said so he had been sitting outside doing nothing with the kids this whole time and he is supposed to jump up right then and take out the bags of trash you had stockpiled in the kitchen? She stopped for a moment and thought and didn’t say anything.  I asked another question who in your past use to sit around and not value you? We tend to see this in others we surround ourselves with at times.  She said my ex-husband I use to complain did this too.  So my final question was did you ask him why he couldn’t take it out right then? Assuming someone else’s actions means 99.9% of the time you are going to be wrong. When she did finally ask him he stated “you tell me I procrastinate because I don’t do things you ask right then.  Did you ever think maybe I wake up in the morning with an agenda of my own, and the things you ask me to do I am thinking about whether or not they are important enough to me to put on my list of things to do today?” He explained this isn’t the first time she went into a rage because he didn’t do what she wanted right then, and when he said he had his own agenda it made her stop and see the situation completely different.  He wasn’t trying to be rude or hurtful, at that moment on that day she asked him to take out the trash he was cleaning up the mess him and the kids made outside with bubbles and chalk and riding bikes.  He was cleaning too, she just hadn’t seen the full picture.  So yes, fear is an illusion, it doesn’t tell you the whole story, it likes to get us all worked up and make more trouble than what it’s worth.

If fear grabs a hold of you with practice you can calm yourself down just as quickly as it took to increase your heart rate, release stress chemicals in your body and make you age faster. 🙂  Replace the fear with understanding, love, faith in the situation, God/Universe and people, and most importantly faith and belief in yourself.

Much love

 

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