Sometimes the first step towards forgiveness is realizing the other person is totally bat-sh*t crazy….. 🙂
I have been back to writing again, working on another book to hopefully help and inspire others see the light out of the darkness of life. Forgiveness is tricky because our ego’s tend to cover up the issue with blankets of darkness but with identifying what the ego is doing is a huge step and first in this process. Our ego’s love to keep us in a perpetual state of fear. This fear spreads over us like a virus thus contaminating our minds. It only takes on tiny, tiny idea that our ego hangs onto and runs over and over in our mind until we start to believe it then we believe it whole heartedly and then it takes shape in our outside world. When we instinctively try to fight this belief (doubting maybe it didn’t happen that way) our ego kicks in to make sure we don’t change our mind.
An example that I use in my book is I had a belief in the beginning I really liked this young woman. I thought she was really good for our daughter, developed a friendship with her the best I could. When all the pages started to unfold in life these other circumstances and colors of her personality started to come out. I went into hiding, I went into a depression, I went in to a deep dark hole paralyzed with fear that no matter what I did it would be wrong. I was slammed, tore to shreds, followed by people she hired to follow my every step to try to find when I slipped up. My ego took hold of this situation and kept me in a perpetual state of fear and anxiety. So much that I quit what I loved the most, writing and living a full positive life.
I began to think dark thoughts like why does she hate me so much? Isn’t she married now why is she so obsessed with me and my life? (Enjoy your life and stop writing down every comment, conversation we have in your calender to try to twist and use against me later on) Why is she so dark to keep something that we all love from me? How can someone be so jealous and malicious in wanting to attack me at my very core being of a human? Who does that? Who has so much hatred in their heart to hurt not one but three people’s lives? How can someone not have the social skills or communication skills to work things out? I began to think of the future as is this an omen of what’s yet to come in their own lives? (I shouldn’t even be worrying about their lives) I even thought I guess losing their loved one in a car accident means you have to take away someone else’s loved one too.
I am talking about losing a child to someone else. I don’t think there is anything in this world that can compare to losing your child. Whether is it by car accident, illness, death, kidnapping, or by the courts nothing at all can compare to this pain. It puts you in a state of depression, hopelessness, feeling lost and incomplete and most often at times frozen in life. You can not move forward because you begin to believe what others say about you. You begin to believe the words of people who speak badly about you. You begin to lose faith in yourself and your abilities. I was so far down this rabbit hole I couldn’t see how to get myself out. I accept my role in this situation as moving out of the state to better my life. But I do not get how grown adults can not communicate and see past their own ego’s and selfishness and hurt a child.
Slowly I have found a way to crawl up and out of this dark hold. I have found a way around my ego and start to make progress and have the life I want. Can I control the actions of others? NOPE Can I choose how I want to feel today? Yes. Can I choose to forgive what has happened so far? Yes. Can I choose to look for ways to be grateful and love more and more each day and work on my goals for the life I want to have? YES!! All it took was only tiny fear to blow up into a huge thing that trapped me in my mind. That tiny thought was like a monkey in a tree that was jumping up and down on me pounding the fear deeper and deeper into me. When we are willing to be open to new ideas and thoughts it makes that monkey stop jumping and this is when we have our own power back to choose a different thought. Then that new thought has the potential to turn into a new belief and that my friends turns into a new way of life. Sometimes thinking the other person is bat sh*t crazy helps in the beginning but it really doesn’t matter who the crazy one is. That is just a perception you label a person with…. Love this quote I heard the other day “I would be more scared of a survior, because they made it through the pain of the bad situation and they know they can survive anything now. ”