Mourning A Loss

You will get what you want when you stop making excuses on why you don’t have it.   ~author unknown

I am taking this quote on a different spin this morning.  A close friend of mine called me this morning to share with me some sad news.  She is now mourning the loss of her marriage of 5 years.  She became close again to an old high school friend and come to find out her husband was also making his own friendship with her.  The signs were all there all along, they have been slowly creeping up for the past year.  She just made many excuses on not seeing them.

I loved the moment when she said “What happened to me? Before I met him I had my own house, my own car.  Now when he leaves the first of July I have no car, no money, no job.  He just left me for her. He doesn’t even care.”  Now this is where I can hopefully shift her, she opened up her hope door to want to move from pain.  Have you ever been in this place? I know I have more than once.

Our pain is the excuse.  That dang pain is what clouds our thinking over and over.  Making it impossible to feel like moving.  Those dang emotions are the very excuses standing in our way of what we want.  Excuses, excuses, stinking excuses seem to fill our lives up or at least our days up.  Those limiting beliefs turn into a debilitating procrastination that limits the very thing we want and that is to heal.  The comfort in hearing the words of everything happens for a reason didn’t fly with her at all.  Actually had her say some words that I can’t type.  I don’t blame her for feeling or responding that way. Losing a spouse because they basically said I don’t want to be here anymore is not easy.  It hurts and it does turn everyone’s world upside down.  The image of her just being his wife is so limiting and now is the time for her to spread her wings.  Be that person she once was, a different version because you can never go back to the exact same way.

My advice to her this morning? If you know you were once this succesful, independent woman and now you feel you are not. Instead of laying there in all this pain wishing your life would end.  Why not push the pain aside for even 10 minutes, think back to when you were in your own house, before you met him and what was your mindset back then? What did you do differently then that you don’t do now?  Wa-La the answer came pretty quickly “I didn’t live each day of my life doing what he wanted me to do.  I did  what I wanted, I took care of me and my daughter.” It is a good start. It is good to share a life with someone else but we women tend to get caught up in taking care of everyone else before taking care of us.  If income is important to you then goodness find a way to make some while taking care of your family.  Find comfort in support of friends or church.  Mostly find out how to love yourself now so you can be happy.  Loving yourself you will feel so much better and life will flow better regardless what else is going on around you.  Most of all if you can go to a professional to help with your healing.  🙂 you have lost not only a marriage but your mom in a year.  Two big hits and you need comfort, love and security inside yourself.

My prayers are with you dear friend.

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