Pain and Fear

Just when you think you have experienced pain like no other, a twist gets thrown in.  I have a very high tolerance level for pain, higher than most people.  I rarely complain, I rarely cry when I get hurt I might say a few choice words when I do get hurt but most part I keep it in.

Well enter this past Monday when Baby A entered the world. I am talking about childbirth here and I honestly can say I know what it feels like now to have a natural childbirth when you hear people scream, pass out from pain and all of the above.

With my first two angels I was lucky enough to have had an epidural through the “WHOLE” labor and delivery.  I didn’t need to feel the need to push, I watched the monitors and pushed when the contractions started.  Smart girl here, I can see when I need to push.  Feeling like I need to push is over rated!!!

Evidently this not how they think here in the state I currently live in.  I was admitted Sunday night and had hormones put in me to help me dilate.  Well sister the only thing that did is throw my body into labor and I felt contractions from 5pm Sunday night until 9am Monday morning when I got an epidural put in.  My contractions were every 2 to 3 minutes apart and some lasted a full 3 minutes long.  Needless to say I was not a ray of sunshine or in any mood to be told at 11:15am they were going to shut off my epidural.  Now I know the doctors and nurses don’t know how long I would have to push.  Maybe they thought it would go quickly, I don’t know but a huge error in judgement! 🙂

By 11:30am I could feel contractions getting stronger, my lower body was waking back up and yep I was about to learn what natural childbirth was like. Hard core, no pain medicine before epidural to help either.  Cold turkey, it was happening.  From what I know I pushed for an hour and a half, passed out from some of the pain at times and I even said something I have never said. The words I give came out and requested a C-Section.  This surprised myself and D to hear that because I never give up on anything in life.  This level of pain was beyond breathing, it was beyond anything I could have ever experienced in my life.  More painful than any memory emotionally, it was like taking every hurt I have ever felt and wrapped it up in that hour and a half.  Every tear ever shed, every betrayal I had ever experienced, every heartache I had ever felt all together could not touch what happened that Monday afternoon.  In the end, I learned more about myself than ever imagined.

I did it, I experienced something new that was so painful I doubted I could handle it.  I gave up in a brief moment but got right back into the game.  I tapped into that inner strength that storehouse we usually tap into during a crisis.  I had 4 people in that room encouraging me to push through the pain.  And now I know there is nothing in this world I can not handle.  At 12:32pm beautiful Baby A was born and that experience of childbirth was over.

I get this enlightened gift wrapped up from God/Universe to show me it is time to stop limiting myself.   To go after everything I want because to fear the pain of going after it no longer should be there.  I was shown by example and hopefully you can take this example to and learn from it.

Enjoy~

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