Feel the Fear

Feel the fear and do it anyway.  Is what came to mind today when I was faced with yet another email from a person who is the same as me just a different degree.  I sat and thought “I wish this would just end soon but I know it won’t.”  I know they all read these blog posts because I hear about them in court. 🙂 Twisting every word around to make it in their favor, taking a small word and blowing up the whole sentence into their meaning or version of it.  Have you ever heard the argument over a hot topic such as you can find support and unsupportive information in the same place? For example debates over the Bible, people can find supportive information in their plight to prove the Holy Grail, Noah’s ‘Ark (directions to where it lays now), any of the Bible stories being true and so on.  Some can look at the information given and prove evidence of it happening and others can look at the same evidence and say Nope, it’s not there or it never happened.  Kind of the same thing I have been going through lately in court.  It is amazing and a life journey ( one of the hardest I have endured thus far).

SO what do you do when faced with challenges you really don’t know how to fix or make progress on.  I feel those challenges usually involve other people in the mix and we all know we can not control others.  I know the answer, I have always known the answer.  See when you are abused you learn how to cope with different situations at a very young age.  I learned how to survive when I was 4 years old.  For some they don’t understand how you can look at difficult challenges as a “game”.  You have to take the emotion out of it to survive.  You have to make it not personal, look at others as not intimidating and educate yourself and most importantly go with what your gut feeling says.  Your intuition is the most important key when you are in this state of mind.  I have learned from “experts in the psychology field that this is what post traumatic stress syndrome is.  It’s crazy how there is a label for everything that happens in life.  If that is the case then I have had these skills naturally because no one taught me how to endure and come out a better person for it.  Every abuse survivor I know and have talked to have some sort of “survival skill” in their back pocket when faced with really difficult, hurtful situations.

Another example is when you play sports, you know the drills because you practiced them in practice.  BUT, there is always a curve ball because other people are involved.  Keep on your toes, never stop moving toward your goal, when others try to intimidate you feel the fear but keep moving forward.  You have to make what others say not personal, it is their view of events and take it with a grain of salt.  Again I am speaking from personal view of dealing with attorneys and representing myself in court but I have been doing this for almost a year now.  It has not been easy but a learning experience I will always be thankful for.  For every abusive comment they make about me, for every opinion of something they know nothing about I no longer react to them.  I know in time since they have no idea what they are talking since it has happened time and time again already their story will no longer hold up.  It is funny how one man can run so many people in circles, paint a picture that is slowly fading of me to all of these high-profile people in court.  When he is the one truly shining with inconsistencies in his court papers, flip-flopping on what he thinks is going on and changing his story.  What can keep someone so busy thinking about someone else? I mean really, we are divorced, you are re-married, why do you consume so much of your personal time on me? Don’t you have a life?  I don’t think about you that much, you are hardly on my mind.  My kids are on my mind, not you, not ways to hurt you with words or emotionally.  It does amaze me at times to think about how much he has to think about me and not his current wife or live in the present moment.  Just saying………



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